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A few years ago, I was speaking with one of my mentors about some of the hard times I experienced growing up, and some I am currently dealing with. He listened carefully, then asked me to be more vulnerable.
“I’ll talk about anything” I said. “What do you want to know?” He told me it wasn’t about the facts I was already sharing, it was much deeper than that – the real stuff, the stuff that makes you uncomfortable to share out loud. He said if I wanted to have the impact I was capable of on my clients and students, and to be the kind of dad and role model I needed to be, I’d have to get comfortable with being vulnerable. I soon realized how much I had been holding in for more than half my life – the pain, sadness, anger, and fear – all because I never learned how do things any differently. And for some reason, all the real, human emotions that men feel every day are ones we’re taught to keep to ourselves. Sure, we can talk about sports, women, money, and power, but that’s as deep as we’re allowed to go, because “real men” don’t talk about their feelings. I grew up watching Arnold courageously battle the Predator and John Maclean save the day in Die Hard, so my idea of masculinity was the same one so many of us learned. There’s an image we try so desperately to live up to – an image that surrounds us and makes us think that being ‘macho’ is a badge of honour when it’s really killing us from the inside out. It wasn’t until I started talking openly about the ‘uncomfortable’ stuff that I understood how much of giant weight I had been carrying around, and how much it was holding me back. At first, I was afraid sharing my “flaws” would make me look weak, but the truth is I’ve never felt stronger. I was worried being vulnerable would push people away, but they keep getting closer. And the more I let down the shield I thought I needed to protect me all these years, the more people are thanking me, just for being honest and real. I have a young son and another on the way. Being a dad is the greatest honour and responsibility I’ve ever experienced, and while the words I speak matter, I know the example I set matters so much more. In my work as a mentor with youth, I guide teens and young adults to be their greatest selves as they discover who they really are and how much they’re capable of – but that requires the kind of real trust that only comes with being vulnerable. If that means being comfortable with the uncomfortable, then that’s what I need to do. And if that’s what it takes for the next generation of young men to be happier, healthier, more self-aware leaders than ever before, I’d say it’s something we all need to encourage. As dads, mentors, and role models, our job isn’t to be perfect “heroes”, Arnold, or John Maclean, but daring to lead by example takes courage. And there’s nothing more courageous than putting down the shield, being vulnerable, and embracing who you really are. As a role model, one small thing you can do is to participate in White Ribbon’s event, Walk a Mile in Her Shoes, on Wednesday May 30 at David Pecaut Square. Show your solidarity to end gender-based violence, and promote healthy masculinities- which are rooted in vulnerability, empathy and courage to get out of the “manbox.” You can register here. Walk a Mile is proudly presented by Town Shoes Ltd. Cory Chadwick is a thought leader, speaker, mentor, and founder of The Personal Greatness Project, helping teens, young adults, teams, and organizations realize their personal greatness and thrive in a quickly changing world. For more information, check out: www.personalgreatnessproject.com and follow @thepersonalgreatnessproject The #MeToo and #TimesUp movements have illuminated the unequal ways that attention is paid to survivors (and perpetrators) of different economic circumstances, racialized status, gender identities and sexualities, and abilities. While many highly public movements play out in real time on an international scale, a new generation of history scholars is grappling with how to handle sexual violence in the past - in their classrooms and research projects - and in assessing how historical inequities intersect with sexual violence in the present. Historians and scholars need to recognize that sexual violence cannot be treated “simply” as an academic subject, no matter how “distantly” in the past. People in our classrooms – students and teachers alike – enter learning environments with a wide range of identities and personal histories, including lived experiences of sexual violence. To create accommodating classrooms, teachers must not only commit to a rigorous analysis of historical ‘perpetrators’ and ‘victims’ of sexual violence, but most especially attend to the real effects of teaching historical sexual violence in a classroom full of students who are statistically at risk of being or becoming either and both perpetrator and victim of sexual violence. The discipline of history has tended to concern itself with such concepts as “critical distance” and “rational discourse.” One unfortunate result of this is that, often, the historian teaching episodes of sexual violence pays more attention to their historical subjects than to the lived realities of their students and their experiences of gender-based discrimination and violence.The gap between historical analysis and empathy can be cavernous. Emotions and feelings, those of our subjects, and most crucially, of our students, must be a source of knowledge going forward. Teachers must acknowledge the historical exclusions and impacts of colonialism, the systemic power dynamics, and the institutional barriers that make our classrooms safe and comfortable for certain students, to the detriment and discomfort of the historically marginalized. History must meet empathy. History teachers must be assertive in addressing the barriers to teaching sexual violence and to meeting the goal of generating accessible classrooms. Teachers must be sensitive to students’ diverse experiences but still investigate the prevalence of sexual violence throughout history with disciplinary rigour. Further, we must act resolutely to restructure the classroom to accommodate students and instructors with experiences of trauma. Some of the barriers to these goals emerge from the structure of our curricula and classrooms. For example, instructors (at any level) typically receive no training that prepares them for dealing with trauma in the classroom, a crucial consideration for handling a topic like sexual violence. Other barriers are societal: the apparent growth of “men’s rights” and “free speech” advocacy on university campuses—trends that find their way into lecture halls and seminar rooms—pose particular problems for teaching assistants who are women, racialized, queer, differently abled, or are otherwise marginalized. We need to be open minded but firm in our approaches to dissolving these barriers; the solution to these problems is absolutely not to remove sexual violence materials from our courses. On the contrary, this vital subject deserves serious historical analysis. But sexual violence must not be treated as “just another topic.” Trauma-informed approaches can help make the classroom safer and more welcoming for students, teaching assistants, and instructors. When we treat sexual violence as simply an omnipresent “part of history,” it hampers students’ ability to question why these events occurred in specific times and places. There is a danger of assuming an innate human tendency to commit sexual violence, instead of understanding the phenomenon with its social, cultural, and political contexts. One consistent justification for sexual violence in history is the assumption of male desire, a harmful assumption that occludes the social factors that make sexual violence so prevalent and erases the experiences of men as survivors of sexual violence. By situating sexual violence in its specific historical context, we can begin to see that sexual violence is dependent on societal factors that perpetuate unequal power relations. It is incumbent upon historians to do this work—it is not only about advocacy in our own time; it is also about doing more diligent work to shed light on the lived experiences of historical people. Attention to the issues outlined above is long overdue. The university is intended to be a place of innovation and community. As historians and members of this community, we need to commit ourselves to finding solutions to the difficulties of teaching sexual violence, and to creating a community that is more inclusive and therefore more creative, original, and inspired. Written by Joel Dickau, Edward Dunsworth, William Fysh, Benjamin Lukas, Kari North, Maris Rowe-Mcculloch, Lindsay C. Sidders, Hana Suckstorff, Nathaniel Thomas, Erica Toffoli, and Spirit-Rose Waite. With intellectual contributions from Kaitlyn Carter, Sanchia deSouza, and Zixian Liu.
The authors wish to acknowledge the land on which the University of Toronto operates. For thousands of years it has been the traditional land of the Huron-Wendat, the Seneca, and most recently, the Mississaugas of the Credit River. Today, this meeting place is still the home to many Indigenous people from across Turtle Island and we are grateful to have the opportunity to work on this land. On behalf of the entire White Ribbon organization, we extend our condolences to the families and friends of the victims, those injured, and everyone affected by this terrible tragedy.
While the true motive has yet to be revealed, we are aware of and actively monitoring preliminary reports tying the horrific actions of this individual to deep hatred and misogyny towards women. White Ribbon was created in 1991 as a direct response to the Montreal Massacre, where a young man with similar hateful beliefs murdered 14 women at L’Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal. Sadly, there have been many horrible acts of hatred and violence towards women in North America and all across the globe since our founding. This reinforces why the work we do is so important. These atrocities are symptomatic of the deep inequalities that exist between men and women in our society. Just as we did in response to the Montreal Massacre, along with any act of violence or discrimination against women, we call on all men to speak out. To examine their own actions and beliefs. To challenge hateful and misogynist beliefs and attitudes. To support and stand in solidarity with survivors of violence. To educate their peers and young people around them - especially young men and boys - about gender equality. To model respect for women, girls, and people of all genders. To recognize their part in eradicating all forms of gender-based violence. Please do your part and sign the White Ribbon Pledge. Add your name to the list of thousands of men who have already pledged to never commit, condone or remain silent about gender-based violence. Humberto Carolo Executive Director, White Ribbon Humberto CaroloHumberto is the executive director at White Ribbon Over the past six months, thousands of women (and some men too) have courageously come forward to share their personal stories of sexual violence and harassment in the workplace and beyond. While these stories are not new, and some survivors have been quietly sharing their experiences for decades, what is new is the social tipping point forcing the media and society to pay close attention to what’s happening. Violence in our homes and communities is a tragic reality - and women and their children bear the brunt of that violence. In Ontario alone, 15 women and children have lost their lives to interpersonal violence since January 1 of this year (OAITH, 2018), while across Canada, a woman is murdered by her partner on average every six days (Statistics Canada, 2014).
As a dad of three teenage boys, I take a keen interest in continually engaging them in dialogue about the importance of consent, healthy relationships, equitable treatment, and the links between gender-based violence, discrimination, and healthy masculinities. I am invested in helping them being strong allies to women and girls and people of all genders presently and in their adult years. As parents we want what is best for our children. Our role in raising strong, gender-equitable kids can be part of our legacy and can help us bring about transformative generational change. Ignoring this violence will no longer be tolerated Since late 2017, many men have been held accountable for their abuse of power through the sexual harassment of co-workers - often direct reports. Employers and organizations have both a responsibility and opportunity to foster a culture of support and safety so that employees are able to report inappropriate and harmful behaviour. And in order to do that effectively, they must reinforce their policies and procedures to ensure survivors are supported, perpetrators are held accountable, and everyone is aware of what they can do to make a difference. The vast majority of this violence is committed by men, therefore it's crucial that men and boys speak out and stand in solidarity with women, girls, and people of all genders to help change attitudes and behaviours. Amplifying a healthy vision of masculinity At White Ribbon, we have worked from day one to examine the root causes of gender-based violence and fuel a cultural shift that brings us a future without violence. Now, more than ever, the work we do to engage men and boys in what healthy masculinities means, and how it embodies the best qualities of being human, needs to be amplified. We have witnessed an incredible evolution in the definition of gender and the need to be inclusive of non-conforming and non-binary identities. I’m delighted to share some of the important initiatives the White Ribbon team has been working on to ensure men are part of a future that is safe and equitable for all people.
What to expect from White Ribbon in the Spring of 2018
Much more work needs to be done Engaging men and young boys in gender-based violence prevention is challenging work that brings about positive solutions. That work is still small-scale, time-limited, and often doesn't include the needed resources to ensure sustainability and crucial transformative change. You can help us by speaking out, getting involved, donating, and advocating for culture change in your schools, communities, workplaces, and organizations. Remember to share your allyship journey with us @WhiteRibbon. Together, we will build a future without gender-based violence! Veronique Church-DuplessisVeronique is a project-manager at White Ribbon Close to the halfway mark of White Ribbon’s Drawing the Line event on November 29th, many were overcome by emotions. Stephanie Keon Pinkerton had just narrated the events of September 22, 2015 when her school went under lockdown after a man in her rural community, with a known history of domestic violence killed three women, two of whom were her friends. Stephanie shared how that event motivated her to become an advocate to end violence against women. She explained that she firmly believe that consent education, starting with the children in her kindergarten classes, is key to our collective efforts to solve this issue. Stephanie, along with Micky Renders, an art teacher from Peterborough, and Kenneth Luu, a high school student from Markham, was honoured for her outstanding violence prevention efforts. They were the first three recipients of the Draw the Line Sexual Violence Prevention Awards that White Ribbon delivers in Ontario’s education sector. Stephanie, Micky, and Kenneth were celebrated in the presence of an audience of over 60 guests that included their families and friends but also the honourable Indira Naidoo-Harris, Minister of the Status of Women, dedicated staff members from the Ministries of Education and of the Status of Women, the US Consul General in Toronto, Juan Alsace, as well as representatives from the elementary and secondary teachers’ federations (ETFO and OSSTF) and community partners including, among others, the Canadian Women’s Foundation, the Ontario Coalition of Rape Crisis Centers, Victim Services Toronto, and Ophea. At White Ribbon’s Drawing the Line on Sexual Violence event, educators, students, union representatives, community activists, and government representatives were all united behind the same message: sexual violence must be eradicated and, in order to do so, education and schools play a fundamental role. As student leader Grace Guillaume argued: “Sexual violence is a community problem, and therefore it takes the entire community to solve and put a stop to it. What better place to have a positive influence than in our school systems?” Consent education is crucial. This is why White Ribbon partnered with the Ministry of Education and with ETFO and OSSTF to create teacher and student resources that are adapted to the education sector’s needs. We firmly believe that these resources will help educators feel more confident when discussing healthy relationships and sexual violence prevention with their students. Our call to action for educators in simple: be an agent of change! Download our free curriculum guide and incorporate violence prevention into your regular classroom activities. We are committed to supporting students and educators across the province. If you need additional support, request one of our professional development workshops. You'll find everything you needs at dtl.whiteribbon.ca. Aine McGlynnAine is the Senior Fundraising Manager at White Ribbon There are power brokers on every set across Canada. They are mostly men, and they trade in favours, connections and promises. In their hands, they hold the careers of thousands of talented men and women looking for that breakout writing, acting or directing credit. These young talents are hungry, driven, resilient people. They commit to a life of precarious employment, long hours and intense public scrutiny. They face rejection after rejection because the pool is huge and the opportunities are few. My sister, a filmmaker writing on the TIFF blog, puts it like this: “No email a filmmaker wants to get begins with, ‘thank you for submitting your project for consideration.’ What follows is a series of confusingly positive phrases such as: ‘difficult decision’, ‘volume of submissions’, ‘serious consideration’, and ‘kindest regards.’ What I hear, however, other than my own stomach dropping, is usually a self-flagellating narrative involving, ‘why did you think you’d get that anyways?’ Or ‘I bet X got it, they get everything,’ and sometimes, ‘I should get that certificate in social media management, just in case.’ Power brokers depend on the exclusivity of the club of filmmakers and actors.They know that they reside at the top of a pyramid built upon the insecurity and self-doubt of the makers and creators whose vision we, Canadians, pay billions every year to consume. They hold the keys to the club house and they can ask anything of those who want in. They can even collect that fee and never open the door.  Women are the most vulnerable in this scenario. Actress Kelly McGee recently said on CBC’s Q, “We have our fair share of men in this [Canadian] industry at the calibre of Weinstein...Women listening are going to fill in the blanks. Am I gonna tank my career right now in naming them?”
Indigenous women and women of colour face even more of a challenge. Cara Gee remarked on the same episode of Q: “Navigating this industry as an indigenous woman ...I am considered less valuable when I’m walking into those rooms. I don’t have the privilege to speak about what fights I’m fighting”. But you know who does have that privilege? The men who work alongside these power brokers; the men whose careers are well-established; the men who serve on the boards of the companies that benefit most from an industry that often hypersexualizes women and glorifies violent men; the men who review the financing requests for productions where known predators are in charge. Power and privilege rests squarely on the shoulders of these decision makers. Canada lost a legendary creative soul last month. Until the very end of his far-too-short life, Gord Downie used his white, cis-gendered, heteromasculinity as a platform to move us all beyond our narrow visions of ourselves. In 2003, he performed at a White Ribbon benefit concert. In his last public appearances he wore a patch of moosehide, the symbol of the Moosehide Campaign - a campaign to inspire men to speak out about violence against Indigenous women and girls. He took it upon himself to represent a way forward and a vision of what it looks like when privilege meets inequality head on. For those of you mourning Gord’s passing, those of you with the power to carry on his legacy of taking our heads in his hands and turning our gaze towards injustice, don’t close your eyes. Don’t avert your gaze. Your silence earns you nothing and your voice is everything this challenge is missing. Kevin VowlesKevin is White Ribbon's Community Engagement Manager October was a transformative month thanks to #MeToo and #IWill, and I’ve felt increasingly hopeful, as requests for White Ribbon programming have been pouring in at unprecedented levels. Many men and boys have opened their eyes to the prevalence of violence against women and girls. But despite a massive uptick in attention about the roles that men and boys can play in ending violence against women and girls, we still have a powerful and all-pervasive rape culture to stand up against. Last week at a high school speaking engagement, I fielded some really tough and challenging questions from young men entrenched in sexism, misogyny and victim blaming. The more boldly I spoke with young men about the need to believe survivors, the more they became emboldened to object. The more I spoke out against victim blaming, the more they seemed to become convinced that they could freely object and insist that women and girls are making false accusations. These high-school students are not unique. As far as we’ve come there is still denial about men’s violence. This denial grows stronger and more entrenched as gender-based power and systems of violence are disrupted and eroded. As far as the pendulum swings one way, it can swing back just as hard in the other direction. Sometimes we can engage in a fruitful conversation in which perspectives are shared and heard. When I kick back tough questions to youth, sometimes I get gold. For example, a while ago in a three-hour workshop, when asked how students would intervene to prevent alcohol facilitated sexual assault, one young man boasted he would be a perpetrator, and he didn’t care about the impacts on young women. I kicked it back the whole class, and his peers promised they’d never let him get away it. Youth are learning to speak out against their peers’ misogyny and sexism. But sometimes they won’t. Sometimes I get silence and I have to help them get there by taking on the hard topic. Students sometimes laugh when I draw links between homophobia, sexism and violence against women. They think that they are gaining power by making a mockery of the work. Young men can be angry and defensive, and I fear for my safety at times. This shows that the work is needed more than ever. And then sometimes I see young girls crying in their seats in large whole school assemblies. Two weeks ago I was literally mobbed after a school assembly by 15 girls and one young man, many of them indicating they had at some point experienced violence and were grateful that we had come so far to see them and talk about ways to prevent violence. Survivors have been empowered to speak out about violence they’ve experienced. A significant blow to slut shaming has been dealt by the bravery of those writing #MeToo. Globally, awareness has grown about the prevalence of many forms of violence. It could be argued that the seed of an unprecedented culture of deterrence has been planted. Women and girls have created hope by speaking out. Men and boys have created hope by saying what they will do. In my experience the tension has never been greater or thicker, and yet the opportunity for positive change has never been clearer.  Community Engagement Manager Kevin Vowles preps students at Royal St George's College for volunteering with White Ribbon. Youth are learning to speak out against their peers’ misogyny and sexism. But sometimes they won’t. Sometimes I get silence and I have to help them get there by taking on the hard topic. Students sometimes laugh when I draw links between homophobia, sexism and violence against women. They think that they are gaining power by making a mockery of the work. Young men can be angry and defensive, and I fear for my safety at times. This shows that the work is needed more than ever.
And then sometimes I see young girls crying in their seats in large whole school assemblies. Two weeks ago I was literally mobbed after a school assembly by 15 girls and one young man, many of them indicating they had at some point experienced violence and were grateful that we had come so far to see them and talk about ways to prevent violence. Survivors have been empowered to speak out about violence they’ve experienced. A significant blow to slut shaming has been dealt by the bravery of those writing #MeToo. Globally, awareness has grown about the prevalence of many forms of violence. It could be argued that the seed of an unprecedented culture of deterrence has been planted. Women and girls have created hope by speaking out. Men and boys have created hope by saying what they will do. In my experience the tension has never been greater or thicker, and yet the opportunity for positive change has never been clearer. Kate BojinKate is a Program Manager at White Ribbon Why does fostering an organization that is committed to learning and knowledge sharing matter in the field of gender-based violence? At White Ribbon we are continuously engaging diverse stakeholders, from 6th graders to community leaders, so that they can adopt healthy masculinities and ultimately inspire learning and change. We frequently ask our stakeholders to learn how to unpack gender norms/expectations, but how do we engage in learning at White Ribbon? As a lucky recipient of the Canadian Women’s Foundation scholarship, I was fortunate to attend a course on Learning Organizations and Change at the Coady Institute in Antigonish, Nova Scotia. I was able to connect, challenge and find synergies with my peers from across the globe on what makes for a learning organization. I’ve asked myself what is the value of fostering a learning organization, particularly in this urgent field of addressing root causes to gender-based violence.
Looking “outside” a learning organization can…
Do you have ideas for fostering organizational learning in small non-profits? We want to hear from you! Aine McGlynnAine is White Ribbon's Senior Fundraising Manager #MeToo - like an avalanche or a tidal wave, they keep cascading down your social media feeds. One after the other - revelations of sexual assault and harassment from your friends, their friends, your sisters, your cousins, their friends, women you don’t know, women you’ve seen in movies, women you work with. And for every #MeToo you read, you’re sure that there are a dozen more who guard their story carefully.
So what do you do online? How should you react in real life? What should you not do? On Social Media Do: Believe. This issue is real. Believe survivors’ experiences. A simple of act of showing support and solidarity like posting “I believe survivors” makes a difference. Spend some time addressing people who are blaming survivors. Support survivors by doing the hard emotional labour of blocking, reporting or engaging with hateful, misogynistic comments. Take and share the White Ribbon pledge. Encourage other male id’d folks in your life to do the same. Acknowledge your role in promoting and supporting rape culture (a culture in which male sexual violence is normalized or trivialized and survivors are blamed for their own abuse). It’s okay to do this. It doesn't make you a monster. Rape culture is everywhere - it is part of the fabric of our society. Name it, admit it and promise to do better. Promote consent culture: a culture in which asking for consent and respecting the answer is normalized. Promote it even though you may have just learned about it. Don’t: Don’t be surprised. Though you may in fact be surprised; you shouldn’t be. Assault and harassment have been a part of a woman’s experience of the world for a very very long time. If you are surprised, you haven’t been paying attention. Keep your surprise to yourself, or better yet talk about it with other men in your life. Acknowledge your accountability. Unpack your power and privilege together. Don’t stay silent. Really and truly, this is a great moment to take action and show solidarity. Don’t let it pass you by. Even if you haven’t always been a great ally, it’s okay to admit that and commit to do better. In Real Life - Do: Offer support and respect a survivor’s path to healing. There are no “right” or “wrong” ways of dealing with the aftermath of sexual violence. Tell the people you see “it’s not your fault”’. No one asks for or deserves to be sexually assaulted or harassed. Listen with respect and empathy if survivors want to talk about the details of what happened. Follow up with the commitments you made when you signed the pledge. We’ll support you to make sure your realize these promises. Talk to the other men in your life. Have that hard conversation about power, privilege and masculinity. They’ve probably been thinking about it too. Don’t: Don’t avoid survivors. Although it may be tempting to avoid eye contact, hurry away, and pretend that you didn’t see their statement, putting your head in the sand is not helpful. Don’t Ask why they didn’t report it. First of all, they may have. Second of all, many survivors don’t report because they aren’t safe doing so. Reporting is a complex issue that you should inform yourself about rather than assuming that it’s always possible, or the correct course of action. Don’t try to solve a survivor’s “issue”. It’s a great instinct to want to help, but first, try asking if there’s anything that you can do. Follow their lead on this. Don’t keep abusers in your life. Doing so makes public and private spaces unsafe for women and vulnerable people. Instead, build relationships that are not based on violence, coercion and dominance. This list isn’t definitive, but for many of you it may be a place to start. For others, it may be a well-worn guide of strategies that you’ve read in many places before. We hope that it inspires action in you, not just today as the #MeToo chorus bravely sustains its pitch, but on every other day as well. |
AuthorThe White Ribbon blog is authored by members of the White Ribbon team. Archives
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