December 6th marks the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence against Women. It’s a day in remembrance of the 14 female students who lost their lives in the École Polytechnique Massacre and all women whose lives were lost to gender-based violence. White Ribbon was created as a response to the massacre in 1991 by three men who felt men needed to speak up against violence.  We reached out to a male ally that has been connected with us from the beginning to get his impressions about December 6th and his commitment to work to end violence against women.

After a busy TTC trip, down to the lower concourse level at Queen’s Park and through the glass doors, we found ourselves in a boardroom in one of Toronto’s office towers. Ready for a conversation about remembrance, allyship, gender-based violence, privilege and work culture. We met with Nirav Patel, Director of Human Resources, Corporate Groups, at Ontario Power Generation (OPG).

A warm welcome, a supportive white ribbon fastened on a blue suit and we are off to a very inspiring talk. Nirav starts by telling that OPG hosts a yearly breakfast, generously donating to White Ribbon and the cause of raising awareness about men’s role in ending gender-based violence. I was curious to know how Nirav got involved with White Ribbon and it goes back to the very beginning of the Campaign.

“It was 1989 and I think everybody saw in the news the tragic massacre that took place at École Polytechnique. I was in 8th grade, I was probably about 13 years old and many of us came to school confused. It was probably the first time in our generation's history that we saw this type of massacre in such a graphic and unjust way and we were trying to make sense of it. Why were women only targeted? Why did the shooter feel that he needed to come into a school, a place of learning, a place of safety and do this? And what did this mean for us moving forward? Why did this happen and what do we need to do to change this?”

Nirav was fortunate to have two teachers who facilitated a dialogue about the massacre: “this was some heavy stuff that we were talking about. And nobody talked about gender equity or violence against women in the way we might do today.”

The dialogue had started, and a few weeks later Nirav and his school took a trip downtown to participate in a march: “the White Ribbon movement began. It began with men coming together, Jack Layton bringing the troops together, saying we should create awareness. We should observe this as a sad issue, but we should also use this as a catapult to make some changes. We wore our white ribbons and that’s always sort of stayed with me.”

As Nirav entered high school, they took actions such as collecting donations for women’s shelters. Then “in the workplace the dialogue just sort of,” Nirav pauses, “not stopped, but you know, nobody really talked about this in the workplace back then.”

Again Nirav felt lucky to have a mentor that at the time encouraged him to do something about that. She told him to get creative, start small and go ahead and do something. He had her full support: “A few men got together and we decided to host a breakfast in and around the timeframe of 16 days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence, and we had male executives cook breakfast for the staff, they flipped pancakes, employees were invited to walk in and make a donation to a woman’s shelter that specifically supported women leaving abusive relationships. And we signed a pledge together to not tolerate violence against women and be advocates for gender equity. And then we had some speeches. That’s sort of how the event started and it’s been about 15 years and we are still doing it.” The funds now raised at the breakfast support White Ribbon’s efforts to end gender-based violence.

Much has happened since 1991. But much is yet to be done. For a long-term solution to ending violence, men must embrace their responsibility. Or in Nirav’s words: “In general, men must have courage.” Courage to stand up and speak out: “If you hear a joke that’s inappropriate then don’t laugh along, stop it and have a dialogue. It could be starting with ‘hey that’s not cool and here’s why it’s not cool’ or ‘I don’t appreciate that’. And as simple as that sounds, it’s something that men don’t often do.”

Many men don’t know how to intervene or support someone who has experienced violence. They feel it’s a women’s issue and don’t know what to say. “I think the many masks that men carry - being stoic, being strong, not showing emotions - really need to be removed. All of those things have perpetuated the society that we live in now, where we have so much gender-based violence, where we’re experiencing women talk about harassment and sharing their stories. We need to have more dialogue to end the tragic stuff that takes place.”

When it comes to the workplace, it’s also about having a dialogue to create a culture of respect. It doesn’t happen overnight, as Nirav tells me: “I think it needs to be fostered, I think it needs to be promoted and I think it needs to be talked about.”

In Nirav’s organization their code of conduct guides the behaviour: “It tends to be a roadmap in terms of a way to behave and something to adhere to to a certain extent. We want people to work safely and go home to their families every day without suffering any injuries. A lot of that goes to feeling respected and valued at work. The goal is to have a conversation about what respect looks like and sometimes having those specific conversations with specific teams help set the norm for the organization.”

In the #MeToo era it is especially important to have these conversations: “I think most men, I’m not speaking for all men, but most men should know or ought to know what appropriate behavior is. I think what happens is that a lot of men feel powerful and they feel like they can get away with it. With the MeToo movement, things have been called to light. It’s important and I really respect all women that have come forward to share those very personal stories. I think it has taken a lot of courage for those individuals to come out, but the good thing is that it’s created a dialogue for people and it’s created a call to men to be more mindful of their behavior, the language they use and how to be more respectful.”

Furthermore Nirav urges men to be open to coaching: “when women come to you to say ‘hey you didn’t handle that really well’ or ‘can I offer a different lens on something’, we should take feedback as a gift, especially when it comes from a woman on some of these issues related to gender equity specifically.”

Nirav has so much more at heart about allyship, being a role model, ending violence against women, men’s privilege and men’s need to be advocates that one blog story is not enough. Look out for our podcast and video coming soon!.

We encourage and invite other men to organize steps and donations to support the cause to end gender-based violence.  Think about the kind of ally you want to be in your workplace, community, and personal life. Follow Nirav's example and take small steps to make a difference.

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Check out our website for more tips, information, and resources and reach out to [email protected] on how to get involved in your workplace.

by Malene Nørby Pedersen

“A wife is like the other half of yourself. If you think about some decisions and you don’t know whether to go with it or not, she is the one there to tell you if it is right or wrong. She is like part of you,” Omer says.
 
He calmly clears his throat, folds his hands and introduces himself to me as a guy who works at George Brown College supporting the IT team and enjoys life: “I have travelled to several places”, and he prefers hiking rather than sitting at home he tells me.
 
Omer is also one of fourteen male allies who work to address violence against women and girls in immigrant and refugee communities. In partnership with Neighbours, Friends and Families White Ribbon started a 1-year project in March 2018 to engage men and boys from immigrant and refugee communities to prevent gender-based violence: “Immigrant and Refugee Communities - Neighbours, Friends and Families” (IRCNFF).
 
White Ribbon delivered an interactive training in September to prepare the fourteen male-identified participants on the key role they will play in raising awareness: the importance of recognizing the warning signs of violence against women and girls and promoting bystander intervention in order to support survivors and prevent domestic violence.
 
Omer finds it important to raise awareness in the immigrant and refugee communities. He encourages them to be open-minded to remedy the issues concerning violence that prevails in these communities, stressing that he wants to let people understand the need to: “respect each other even if they have different cultures and ideas of religion or different backgrounds.” Omer continues: “whenever I get annoyed I just go lay down somewhere in nature, like hearing the wind or the birds or whatever in the place you are in. Mostly I do that in parks. It’s like you feel you get out of the situation, the problems go away from your body, and you can just leave it there.” In this way Omer copes with difficult situations and he encourages other men to do the same or find their own ways, so that things don’t escalate to violence.
 
During his travels, Omer witnessed violence against women and children - sometimes even parents with their kids, he adds. It motivated him to join the IRCNFF project: “When I heard about the program I felt like this is the chance for me to make a difference in this world.”
 
 
At the training with White Ribbon the participants were taught different things. A focus during the training was given to the early signs of violence: “being depressed, trying to run away from or avoid something. Some of the scenarios we saw in videos in the training, for example, a woman in a supermarket, where a guy came out of nowhere yelling at her. So the scenario was that the girl tried to avoid him, but the guy wouldn’t let her go. So the way to react in this case is you either go in between them or you call somebody with authorities to help stop the situation,” Omer explains. The manbox was another point of discussion and illustrated how men are expected to be and act as powerful, dominant, fearless, strong and emotionless, traits that perpetuate gender inequality and fuel gender-based violence.
 
Omer wants me to forward one last message:
 
“The only thing I can say to you guys is try to understand, try to respect each other and try to avoid any violence.”
 
To learn more about White Ribbon's work to engage Immigrant and Refugee male-identified youth and adults, visit our webpage. Be sure to check back on our website in February 2019 for new community resources!
 
 
How to talk to men who are abusive: http://www.neighboursfriendsandfamilies.ca/how-to-help/how-to-talk-to-men
 
The Assaulted Women’s Helpline at 1-866-863-0511 offers a 24-hour telephone and TTY 1-866-863-7868 crisis line for abused women in Ontario. The service is anonymous and confidential and is provided in up to 154 languages.

Helpline staff can support you in helping the abused woman or abusive man. They will discuss the warning signs of abuse you have seen and give you practical advice on ways to help.

For more information about the services of the Assaulted Women’s Helpline visit: www.awhl.org. In an emergency, call your local police service.
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boys can do more to ensure that girls feel comfortable at schools. In addition, she stated the importance of community and block leaders embracing solidarity, as well as introducing daycare facilities to support child-headed households to go to school. While giving us these great inputs, Shukri remembered a story.

In Hagadera Refugee Camp, she liaised with the father of a 15-year-old girl, who planned for his daughter to be married to a man in the United States. The father made a living off collecting firewood outside the camp and selling it inside. It was however not enough to provide for his 15-year-old daughter and her younger siblings. The way out for him meant sending his daughter away to marry.

 Shukri and another male community mobilizer had a conversation with the father to convince him that marriage was not the only way. They showed him their own example: as recipients of scholarships from WUSC they were given the opportunity to better their own future and that of their families. The same chance for his daughter would benefit not only her well-being but also the entire family as opposed to dowries which are only of short-term help, adding that investing in girls’ education will also contribute to the community at large. Shukri wished to emphasize this:

​Winters now dedicates himself to harnessing that power to raise his players’ awareness of violence prevention. He invites his players to stop and think about the ideas that they implicitly learned by hearing sexist or homophobic derogatory comments as part of “normal conversations”. He asks them to pay attention to how their words and actions can be discriminatory. He asks them to reflect and be more conscious of their words and actions so that they can change their behaviours. He seeks to foster empathy for survivors of gender-based violence by sharing his own childhood experiences of domestic violence, inviting speakers to talk about their experiences, and by creating partnerships with feminist organizations in his community.
 
​Winters is a strong believer in coaches’ ability to create change and he outlined four simple steps for those who may wish to follow his example.

1. Look at your own behaviour. Are you the example you want others to be? Are you doing everything you can do to be a good model?
2. Make gender-based violence your cause and don’t be afraid to stand up and speak out. Learn more about the issue, whether is has affected you personally or not, and be prepared to step up when you notice problematic behaviours.
3. Find your support. Find out who can help you, who can be allies to help you make the changes you want to see in your environment.
4. Extend a hand and help others change. Offer to connect them with support and resources when needed. Focus on how you can help youth change and embrace gender equality and non-violence.

Winters also had words of advice for colleges and universities to help them tackle gender-based violence. He argues that these institutions should put in place programs to support students and athletes who have had personal experiences of violence so that they can help break the cycle of violence that often reproduces itself from generation to generation. He also argues that they should make gender-based violence prevention their issue and create programs to help athletes understand that sexism and violence are learned behaviours and help them change. ​

White Ribbon was thrilled to participate in the very first Shelters of the Future Conference organized by Women’s Shelters Canada from June 13-15, 2018 in Ottawa. As an organization dedicated to redressing the root causes of gender-based violence, it is imperative we also understand the lived realities of survivors, and the challenges faced by shelters and transition homes.

The need is real
Over and over numerous women’s shelters and transition homes spoke about the increasing need in the community for effective, meaningful and survivor-centered VAW response.  Shelters provided staggering annual numbers of 10,000-15,000 calls to crisis lines. This equates to at least 1 call every hour to a shelter in Canada. 
 
Innovative spirits were high

• YWCA Calgary and Quest shared a pilot project- Shelters 2.0 which is exploring interlinking approaches; inclusive practice; more flexible service delivery; partnerships with local agencies and leveraging community assets; and investing in the prevention continuum. In addition, these agencies are exploring the idea of removing the perpetrator from the home, and engaging more with male perpetrators (with permission of their partner) to discuss safety planning of their children. 
• Alberta Council for Women’s Shelters shared their experience partnering with the Government of Alberta, Occupational Health and Safety to build staff capacity in responding to domestic violence, and promoting culture change.
• ANOVA, the result of tireless work to merge the London’s Women’s Community House and Sexual Assault Centre London

 
The resilience
Renae Hopf and Nathalie Trottier shared their stories of resilience, power and hope. Their strength and vulnerability in sharing their experience was overwhelming. Needed Kleenex. So much Kleenex. Thank you Renae and Nathalie.
 
It takes all of us
Together with the We Want No More Project and the Timmins Family Violence Interagency Action Committee, White Ribbon presented on key campaigns, and effective messaging and approaches for meaningful male engagement. 
 
To the guys reading this- Strengthening Ties is looking for 50 men across the country to make a $3,000 commitment over three years to Women’s Shelters Canada. They also agree to be advocates speaking out against domestic violence. Hurry- 37 men have already confirmed. Visit the White Ribbon website for some inspiration and tools in speaking out.
 
As an organization dedicated to preventing gender-based violence (from subtle emotional forms to physical violence), we are keen to have further dialogue and collaboration to advance gender-transformative programming that can be adapted to local contexts, together with women’s shelters and organizations. 
 
I’ve only scratched the surface of some of the amazing experience which were shared over the past couple days, but my cup is full to the brim.
 
Written by Kate Bojin, Director of Programs, White Ribbon
 
 
 
 
 

I know we’re all still in shock of the events that took place in Toronto last month, but I feel torn in two directions and have decided that it’s in times like these when we come together that we can potentially make the biggest difference.

When I say, “I’m torn” it’s because part of me says “don’t publicize this, don’t give this loser the headlines and don’t bring attention to his alleged motivations or cause” but another part of me wants to discuss it as I feel it needs to be spoken about.
 
Toronto doesn’t need a new hashtag, and as proud as I am to be a Torontonian I feel that we’re already stronger, more tolerant, more accepting and more welcoming than most, as can be seen by watching the cultural mosaic of witnesses interviewed in the area.
 
This hits especially close to home as Christine and I have called this area our home for the last five years.

Christine was working from home that day and out running errands at Shoppers, Tims, clothing donation etc. and on the very same sidewalks that a few hours later became news around the world.

We’re horrified seeing events like this on an almost weekly basis but this one feels different, this one was home.
 
Chris and I know every inch of these sidewalks. The restaurants and shops seen in the news clips are places we visit daily. Mel Lastman square is somewhere we walk nightly in search of the latest stray cat Christine has found to feed.

I don’t want to spend time on the matter of “incels” or legitimize the word or the people who believe in this nonsense but do realize that their misogynistic attitude exists out there and we as a people have a responsibility to educate ourselves above it.
 
A few years ago, we lost a friend to a senseless act of violence and have since pledged our time to a lesser known cause, White Ribbon.

White Ribbon is the world’s largest movement of men and boys working to end violence against women and girls, promote gender equity, healthy relationships and a new vision of masculinity. Since its inception in Toronto in 1991, White Ribbon has spread to over 60 countries around the world. White Ribbon asks men to wear white ribbons as a sign of their pledge to never commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women and girls.
 
Regardless of the motives of this recent attack, I feel that now more than ever we need to bring issues like violence against women to the forefront as it is a very present issue that doesn’t always receive the publicity it deserves.
 
On May 30, 2018 we’ll be participating in White Ribbon’s “Walk A Mile in Her Shoes” campaign for our “Ribbons for Rachelle” team to raise money and bring awareness to this issue.

I would love your support whether it be monetarily or by joining our team and walking with us.  I’d love to see some of my friends (and friends with sons!) and everyone out there showing their support.
 
Mike Hollinsworth and his team “Ribbons for Rachelle” are participating in White Ribbon’s Walk a Mile in Her Shoes, presented by Town Shoes Ltd, taking place on Wednesday May 30, 2018 at 12noon, David Pecaut Square, 215 King Street West, in Toronto.  Visit the Walk website to register, participate, and or donate.  Thank you for your support of White Ribbon’s work to engage men and boys in promoting healthy masculinities and ending gender-based violence.  
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The #MeToo and #TimesUp movements have illuminated the unequal ways that attention is paid to survivors (and perpetrators) of different economic circumstances, racialized status, gender identities and sexualities, and abilities. While many highly public movements play out in real time on an international scale, a new generation of history scholars is grappling with how to handle sexual violence in the past - in their classrooms and research projects - and in assessing how historical inequities intersect with sexual violence in the present.

​Historians and scholars need to recognize that sexual violence cannot be treated “simply” as an academic subject, no matter how “distantly” in the past. People in our classrooms – students and teachers alike – enter learning environments with a wide range of identities and personal histories, including lived experiences of sexual violence. To create accommodating classrooms, teachers must not only commit to a rigorous analysis of historical ‘perpetrators’ and ‘victims’ of sexual violence, but most especially attend to the real effects of teaching historical sexual violence in a classroom full of students who are statistically at risk of being or becoming either and both perpetrator and victim of sexual violence.

The discipline of history has tended to concern itself with such concepts as “critical distance” and “rational discourse.” One unfortunate result of this is that, often, the historian teaching episodes of sexual violence pays more attention to their historical subjects than to the lived realities of their students and their experiences of gender-based discrimination and violence.The gap between historical analysis and empathy can be cavernous. Emotions and feelings, those of our subjects, and most crucially, of our students, must be a source of knowledge going forward. Teachers must acknowledge the historical exclusions and impacts of colonialism, the systemic power dynamics, and the institutional barriers that make our classrooms safe and comfortable for certain students, to the detriment and discomfort of the historically marginalized.

History must meet empathy.
History teachers must be assertive in addressing the barriers to teaching sexual violence and to meeting the goal of generating accessible classrooms. Teachers must be sensitive to students’ diverse experiences but still investigate the prevalence of sexual violence throughout history with disciplinary rigour. Further, we must act resolutely to restructure the classroom to accommodate students and instructors with experiences of trauma.

Some of the barriers to these goals emerge from the structure of our curricula and classrooms. For example, instructors (at any level) typically receive no training that prepares them for dealing with trauma in the classroom, a crucial consideration for handling a topic like sexual violence.

Other barriers are societal: the apparent growth of “men’s rights” and “free speech” advocacy on university campuses—trends that find their way into lecture halls and seminar rooms—pose particular problems for teaching assistants who are women, racialized, queer, differently abled, or are otherwise marginalized.

We need to be open minded but firm in our approaches to dissolving these barriers; the solution to these problems is absolutely not to remove sexual violence materials from our courses. On the contrary, this vital subject deserves serious historical analysis. But sexual violence must not be treated as “just another topic.” Trauma-informed approaches can help make the classroom safer and more welcoming for students, teaching assistants, and instructors.

When we treat sexual violence as simply an omnipresent “part of history,” it hampers students’ ability to question why these events occurred in specific times and places. There is a danger of assuming an innate human tendency to commit sexual violence, instead of understanding the phenomenon with its social, cultural, and political contexts. One consistent justification for sexual violence in history is the assumption of male desire, a harmful assumption that occludes the social factors that make sexual violence so prevalent and erases the experiences of men as survivors of sexual violence. By situating sexual violence in its specific historical context, we can begin to see that sexual violence is dependent on societal factors that perpetuate unequal power relations. It is incumbent upon historians to do this work—it is not only about advocacy in our own time; it is also about doing more diligent work to shed light on the lived experiences of historical people.

​Attention to the issues outlined above is long overdue. The university is intended to be a place of innovation and community. As historians and members of this community, we need to commit ourselves to finding solutions to the difficulties of teaching sexual violence, and to creating a community that is more inclusive and therefore more creative, original, and inspired.

​Written by Joel Dickau, Edward Dunsworth, William Fysh, Benjamin Lukas, Kari North, Maris Rowe-Mcculloch, Lindsay C. Sidders, Hana Suckstorff, Nathaniel Thomas, Erica Toffoli, and Spirit-Rose Waite. With intellectual contributions from Kaitlyn Carter, Sanchia deSouza, and Zixian Liu.
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The authors wish to acknowledge the land on which the University of Toronto operates. For thousands of years it has been the traditional land of the Huron-Wendat, the Seneca, and most recently, the Mississaugas of the Credit River. Today, this meeting place is still the home to many Indigenous people from across Turtle Island and we are grateful to have the opportunity to work on this land.